Before the Committee

Here on veterans day it has been a battle to get through this dissertation. I'm sure there will be revisions required but I'm hoping and praying that my paper makes it past the board.

I've been at this spot years ago and when it went up, it came back and forth, back and forth and ended with a start from the beginning because we changed things. I'm hoping that this goes different, I have a feeling that it will, so board, please do me a favor and say...you can DEFEND!!

 

1, 2, 3, 4, FIF!!!

In the words of the great Dave Chappel, I plead the fifth...fifth chapter that is!!! I can see the light, I can see the light!!

Spoke to advisor today, she blessed off on my chapter and told me full speed ahead so here I am, Thursday night right at midnight looking to use ever piece of darkness until I get a submission. How great would it be to be completed and not have to pay for another class? No more books, no more research (required)? I can't wait!! I prayed prior to starting, so I'm confident I will meet my goal...I say it again..
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Tears of Frustration

After 36 hours of working, I got nearly nowhere, sometimes I feel as if my brain doesn't work. I used to be so sharp and smart...now I feel like something is wrong with my brain. I can't think, can't focus, can't concentrate. I actually had tears of frustration today...literally...sad..

 

 

Ever feel like you've put your everything into something but just can't get it right? That's how I feel right now. All in all, I can't quit, the winter is coming and I have to stay at this thing and get my VICTORY!! I know that its possible and if I keep working at it, something can, must, will break through!! So, I'm off for an early nap until my brain decides to work again. Keep me warm please, please, please..heat up this brain!!

 

 

Progress? Knucklehead or Intuition?

So it seems like progress is on its way. The problem is, I'm a common sense-er and my intuition tells me to do something a certain way ...BUT..I'm worried that I'm being a knucklehead and just don't want to go with the flow...then may have to do double, triple or quadruple work....or I may put myself WAAAY ahead of the game.

So much to do, so much to think, its more like an obstacle course than a marathon. If you're running a marathon, its long but you know where you're going. Right now, I'm lost..but I'll keep moving forward.

 

48 Hours of dissertation rigor

Not many knows what it means, now, I can't really write, exhausted. Sacrificed the whole weekend. Just like I used to do years ago...sigh..

This is what excessive rigor looks like! 

Ripping through!

I still feel like I'm running out of time on this thing BUT I noticed that my dedication isn't how it used to be. I've been slacking so, I'm going to begin RIPPING through this dissertation.

My goal for tonight is to shine off CH 1-3 and complete the framework for CH 4...maybe play with jmp and statistics...Ready, set, and go...D-Wayne the Ripper is what they call him!

 

Dual Directions

I often feel like I'm running out of time in life. I try to fit as much as I can in the small box of life. I've taken on the pursuit of a web-design certificate. So far, I enjoy the class, I'm learning a lot, and it gives me almost a daily feeling of achievement. The problem is it often places me in a dual direction quandary (does that make sense?). Probably not. I debate which one to work on some nights. The webdesign provides me instant gratification and the dissertation is a tenured process.

Tonight I chose the webdesign route. This program has 87 modules...so a lot to learn and I want to get it done AND learn so much as quick as possible!

 

See the finish line

It's been a long journey and there's still much to do. This process is financially breaking me and I need to get it DONE. The good part to all of this is I see the finish line. It may be in the far distance and I'm sure that there will be hurdles on my way there but I see it...I see it, yes I do!

 So now as I go through the many IRBs, IA, and administrative challenges. The good part is despite the previous ambiguity of the situation I've slowly moved forward. My friend prophesized that I would be with doctorate by the end of this year...I think I believe that...yeah...I believe that!!  I have been put in the drivers seat where I don't have to really wait for approval to get some things done. I guess that doesn't make me the driver, maybe I'm able to see the drivers test before I drive...yeah, that's it. I can see the test questions. So, like I said, I think I can see this finish line. I've stretched out and I'm ready to RUN!!! More importantly, I'm ready to finish and take a knee!

 

Breakthrough

Everybody, watch out, I think that we have a breakthrough!!! After months of replication and alteration, I have approval to do the pilot study from one organization. I feel confident that the NCU IRB will approve me also. So now I'm getting ready for flight. Its always a blessing to feel the light of hope, especially when you're in darkness. So, as I wait for my school approval, I begin this weekend my work on the pilot survey's and focus my sights on the revised IRB application for the final study. Pray me luck!

Duplicity in the city of my mind

The land of duplicity. Seems like I have to repeat the same steps over and over and over again for multiple agencies. Why can't I just move forward? My Chair said today "I applaud you for your persistence". I don't have much of a choice. I just want to be done. Its hard trying to take control of a car that you're not driving. I guess all you can do in life sometimes is push and fight and hope that the enemy quits, falls over, or you knock through to where you're trying to get. My mind is tired, so many changes that I don't even know what's going on sometimes. Another submission today...still at IRB...sigh...Death to duplicity!