IRB

So, I'm to the point where I'm going to resubmit my IRB (Institutional Review Board) Application. Funny thing...I reviewed the form originally submitted July 2008 and it made me kind of sad. I can't believe that it's been that long. Nonetheless, this is part of the process and I'm kind of frustrated in general. I'm sure it's more so due to the holiday season, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm totally, unequivocally, without doubt...not excited or planning on doing or going anywhere BUT, school doesn't stop. That has been a constant. I'm using human subjects, so I need to ensure that I'm following protocol.

With all that being said, I feel like my head is shrinking, not sure why or what that means, but that's how I feel for now. So, the game plan for tonight is to complete this IRB form, read the protocol and submit. I'm sure I"m one of the few tonight actually doing work as the rest of the world is with their family, preparing for dinner, or on the road to see their loved ones. I just pray and hope that someday this evolves to something. I can't imagine (but look forward) to the day when this is all a part of my past!

Yes, I really do look weird and unusual like this ^^^ Hope all enjoys their holidays!

Rethink - Rewind - Renew

I've been lost for years now, not really sure where I'm going or what to look forward to in this world. Every year I've had a new challenge which has put roadblocks to my advancement and betterment (==is actually a word of myself. Although not radical, I think it's time for me to go back to my roots, back to religious roots. My educational journey has strayed me away from hope and faith and pushed me closer to logic and strategy. Some things you just can't use strategy with...you can't use logic. So.....I'm trying to get back to praying, church, and improving myself spiritually. 

This week was horrid, I swear I go through so many low periods you would think that I was two different people. Some think I'm calm, collective, and confident. I don't often feel like that, I'm feel with worry, doubt, and pessimism. So you can either lay down and die or get up and fight. I'm back on the fight!!! I'm hoping that I can stay focused on what I need to do and have faith that things will turn out well in life as well as with my educational goals. So, it's 10:00 PM and I took days off to chop off chunks of this dissertation. Saturday and Sunday were dead, it's Monday night and I have miles to make up. Wish me luck, better yet, pray for me!!

The edge?

I think I've reached the edge...I mean the end..of the Chapter that is. After weeks of revamping, I think tonight could be the night. I have my coke, energy drink and yesterday I slept for almost 12 hours. What does that mean? Yup, I'm going to try not to sleep tonight, focus, focus, focus. So, hopefully I'll reach the edge of this dissertation and
D
 R
  O
    P
to the next chapter of this paper. Let's see how this goes. Although I have the fact that I've written approximately 3 dissertations, I am really learning how the process works. Will it pay off, will I use it later in life? Who knows but why not look at the positive side? That's another one of my new attempts. I am a negative ninny, why? It's how I survived and stayed protected. Sometimes you have to have faith and hope; I'm more of a prepare and anticipate...the worst that is...

All in all, this false sense of security by thinking the best will come of things feels..um...okay...I think. My father used to say "suck it up and drive on". This has crept in the back of my mind for years. Take the punches and continue to fight but sometimes.....WHEW!!!

As long as my intent is good and I live in good conscious of my actions, things turn out in the long run....it's always the short run that I'm worried about. I'm going to let some of these "runs" go though. OK, back to the batters box. 10:28 PM on a Thursday...

Deep Dive Past the Worry

So many things going on in my life right now, it's crazy. A few of the decision that I have made in my life has lead me to near destruction. My intent is never bad, but what is paved with good intent? Hell is, yes...hell...sucks, right? Between work, family, school, personal goals, the loneliness of this great rainy State and the holidays around the corner, I often feel as if I won't be able to make it. My father told me to keep my head up despite diversity...keep my head up (literally) and a head down shows weakness and makes you vulnerable. I see him as the example of a man..in other words "the standard". Despite the sadness, worry, and guilt in my life..I must be strong and focus!!! I have people depending on me. Everyday wasted is gone, you can't get it back, it's a loss!! So, I'm diving deep past the worry directly into my dissertation again.

No matter how much you want to change the past, you can't, it's impossible (as far as I know...I think they are still working on solutions). This is the worst time of the year too, birthdays, holidays, a new year, and much more. Although others have contributed to my sadness, I am the source and much accept responsibility. Despite this all, I'm kind of bummed but my literature review will be my best friend tonight and take my mind off my many problems and concerns. I'm debating going back to cutting the cable off and avoiding personal as many social activities as possible. I need to get this thing done!!

Should have opted for the AAs instead of the AAs

I'm often asked why I chose to conduct a study on Asian-Americans instead of African-Americans. the reason was based on need an impact. When I began this program, I wanted to make an impact. There's a lot of research on African-Americans but not much on the Asian population. Now that I'm in knee deep in the weeds, it's much easier to do research on the larger populations, why? There's more knowledge to pull from. What makes it even more challenging is the requirement to have research within the 5-year boundary.


All in all, it's a McD's coke night...I'm too far to turn back now. If I do ever get this thing completed and published, I think that it will truly add to the body of knowledge that addresses the Asian-American population. They are one of the fastest growing populations in America...

Time....

It's funny how time will slip away from you. Every time I look back a day is gone, a week has passed, and a new year is upon us. It stresses me so much. I always feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm not hitting my benchmarks and at some time I'll miss a precious opportunity. So, here I go again, I've been up at 3 AM, back on the path to finish up my lengthy literature review. I took a week off caffeine, but today I'm back at it..

Return to the Matrix - Break from the norm

I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I want to put my matrix together. I now have 3 different versions 2 in word, 1 in excel. There are so many ways to crack an egg and I'm always revising and reorganizing something. I think I'll go with MS word with bookmarks and establish an internal metadata scheme. This will allow me to run search's on key words and quickly jump from one are to another. The only thing that I dislike is the the length of the document. I often receive jokes from friends and family in regards to my love of technology. I must admit, technology is GREAT and I'm addicted. If implemented correctly, it really provides outstanding tools to expedite your learning and the completion of homework. I use 3 large monitors (well, 2 monitors and an old 42 inch television. On a random night, I'll have out a can of coke, a rip-it energy drink, my paper, multiple Chrome browsers, iTunes, OneNote (great product), and the distracting facebook. Epiphany, I may use OneNote for my matrix..hmmm...

It's 2:38 AM and I'm hoping that I'll continue to make progress and complete this portion of the literature review quickly. There's been so much going on in my life that I often pass up on my research for work, sleep, or the love of procrastination. In honor of Halloween, I dressed up as one of the historical members of Run DMC and sacrificed a Thursday night to go people watch. See, I do have a fun side...I swear I could wear this everyday.